Maria,
After noticing her mental decline I brought my 92 year old aunt to live with me. She had lived alone more than 40 years. I thought I was prepared because I had experience with my parents in their elder years. Boy was I wrong. Unlike my parents, she won’t allow me to care for her. She is just lucid enough to say what she wants and doesn’t want and what she will and will not do. I am ashamed to say that despite my best efforts she refuses to bathe. She’s not had a bath, hair combed, clothing or bed change in 6 weeks. No matter what I say, her response is “I’ll do it myself tomorrow (or next week), when I have more energy, or when the weather is better, etc. of course tomorrow, or next week never comes. Please help! At the rate I’m going someone is going to accuse me of neglect or abuse!!!
Donna, Long Branch, New Jersey
Donna,
There are so many layers to what you’ve shared that I could easily write a short paper in response. Let me answer simply: You need help with your aunt. Best would be to hire someone to come in just to give her a bath, assist her with grooming, and change her linens. If you can’t afford this, it’s time to use what little spare time you have to read up on how to bath someone with mental decline. It isn’t easy, and it may take some time and careful observation to find what works, but the good news here is that your aunt isn’t the first person who refuses to bathe, nor are you the first person to struggle to help her. That means there are published best practices out there.
The best resource I’ve found to assist a cognitively impaired person who refuses to bathe is the DVD Bathing Without a Battle. You can purchase it at the Alzheimer’s Store.
I hope this helps.
Best,
Maria
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